daily life

it is perhaps a terrible irony, but I do believe that living in such close proximity, packed like cockaroaches right on top of one another, relieves people of their inborn civility. on a regular basis in this city where I am living I witness people commit flagrant acts of rudeness as if it were justified and pardonable-- from profanities uttered full voice through lowered car windows to gestural impertinences undertaken effortlesslessly, scooting up the ending, merging lane ahead of a waiting line of traffic, trusting to the goodwill or at least car-sense of others to yield to a forced last-minute merge. occasionally this sort of assholeish line-cutting will put me so altogether out of sorts and beside myself that I will creep along upon the bumper of the car ahead, refusing to give a single inch-- and then the entitled bastard edging in beside me, in his guzzler SUV, blatantly on his cell phone, wearing his too-joe-cool shades, will say, yeah this fucking bitch won't let me merge-- yeah, YOU, you bitch-- and I'll roll my window all the way down and scold him impotently for line-cutting-- I so badly want to shake my finger, school-marm style at him, and only just resist-- and drive on, feeling both irate and idiotic, flummoxed as to how I've come to this sad pass-- from peaceful days in iowa and north carolina-- what grisly feistiness this urban existence elicits in me.