rattled this morning, set coffee cup on top of car while lifting floyd up and in. drove to work in grey funk. pulled into parking lot, killed engine, and suddenly remembered coffee. got out, and voila, cup on its side, trapped by luggage rack-- with still a couple of sips of (now iced) coffee inside!
not quite clear exactly how it came about this morning, but suddenly everything is terrible. not where I want to be, or doing what I want to do. just everything. marked pattern of a distortion, and I know that although it feels utterly real, this is an illusion that will pass. keep shaking off the dark thing perched on my shoulders, stretching my back and taking a deep breath, stepping forward foot by foot, only to have it settle its heavy shadow once more. this thing has pursued me the length of conscious memory, with blessed stretches of unblemished sunlit daytimes and mornings and even bright evenings, whole weeks when it seems to have retreated to some moldy stinking grotto, only to return again and again and again.
exhausting.
floyd (and chris and I) enjoyed a delightful holiday weekend visit with treats of all kinds from miz kristin, book artist extraordinaire and all-around phenomenal person.
... on my lap, sniffing roasting turkey aromas wafting from the kitchen.
he's back and full of piss and vinegar! :)
no floyd to whine and pester at my desk today-- because I dropped him off this morning for the Great Neutering Life Event this morning. interested to see how this change effects his behavior...
...my gracious and talented neice, to vox, please friends and neighbors.
it's not easy living with me, I know. I'm the moodiest of critters, too often curled mollusk-like into my own shell, betimes bemoaning this or that or the whole kit n caboodle of my lot, tending to place blame for dissatisfactions wholesale on geography. poor chicago, it's not to blame for my malaise, ultimately. but I can sure make it sound like it. to live with me is to attend an ongoing litany of plaint (hi, een) and confected concoctions of how fabulous it would be to move elsewhere in one direction or another-- now closer to my family, now nearer friends, then away overseas, or what about just striking out behind the wheel across this great nation, no agenda, cameras and gazetteers in hand?
Recent Comments
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navelgazer said:
ha! he's great-- like nothing is different. wee trooper. read more
on floyd assists darcie with graphic design -
rogue said:
Once you step in one, keep walking - you can always clean your shoes later. I like that. NG -... read more
on winged beast -
Aubrey said:
Yes, I get this often - a tiny punishment for feeling happy. It's a rut, and you know what? Once... read more
on winged beast -
thanks, you all, for listening and hearing and not being appalled-- one of the several downsides of depression, how it... read more
on winged beast